Trapped in Opera Madness
27 Jan 07 @ 04:31 PM
category » humour
A friend showed me this late one night when I was sufficiently amused to sit through the entire thing. I still can't quite figure out whether R. Kelly is doing this as a parody, or if he is taking it deadly seriously. I suspect the latter, but I so wish that it was tongue in cheek. It's mesmerising, anyway, if you have an hour to kill watching 12 episodes of a Rap Opera. The parody on South Park is hilarious too.
All 12 episodes can be found on YouTube. WhoKnew HowSoon YouTube would take over our lives?
Trapped in the Closet, Part I
South Park - Trapped in the Closet
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A star ascendant
27 Jan 07 @ 04:24 PM
category » humour
This kid is a phenomenal imitator. I just can't get over how much he reminds me of Bush whilst looking like a teenage Matt Dillon.
Robin Hood and the Pink Princess: A Tale of Love, Betrayal and Redemption
24 May 06 @ 07:03 PM
category » culture | humour | new york
Here’s a wonderful New York tale: that of Robin Hood and the Pink Princess.
The Pink Princess is a bicycle. She’s bright pink, and very, very old. She’s been ridden on the streets of this fair city for nigh on 18 years, and has always been handed down from one owner who leaves town to the next loving caretaker in line. She came to me from Carey, who moved back to South Africa in 2004. The Pink Princess has survived many adventures. She’s been stolen, and been returned, she’s been touched by Bono – twice – and she has braved the indignities of many a nasty winter with quiet long-suffering.
Last year I gave the Pink Princess to Jasmine. Anyone who knows Jasmine will know that she is the perfect person to love and ride the Pink Princess.
A few weeks ago, Jasmine calls me up and says she wants to buy a new bicycle, because the Pink Princess is not very comfortable any more and it is basically falling apart. What do I want her to do with it, she asks. I say get her a tune up, and give her back to me and I will find her another home.
A few days later, Jasmine calls sounding a little worried. Why? She took the PP to four different bike shops to ask about fixing her up, and they all laughed in her face. One place refused to even touch her, another told Jasmine that to fix her up would cost twice the price of a new bike, and another told her the PP was a death trap and shouldn’t be on the streets.
Jasmine thought that this news might upset me, fond of the PP as I was. It didn’t really. All good things come to an end, and she had a good run. So Jasmine and I decided that she would “donate” the PP to a needy person in the city by simply leaving her unlocked by a lamppost on Bleecker Street. So off Jasmine went to buy her new bike.
Two days later, Jasmine calls again. Her new bike has been stolen. After one night out on the street. But the Pink Princess – unlocked, and right next to it – is still there!
Every day that week, Jasmine calls me to tell me that the Pink Princess is still there. It seems that even the thieves in this town have some standards and will not lower themselves to steal a pile of rubbish. Which is frankly hilarious, though I do feel sad for the crimson lady, dying all alone and
neglected.
Now, to Robin Hood. Robin Hood is also a bicycle, belonging to my friend Annie. She came out of her house one day last week to find that her chain had been cut, had then been clumsily stuck back together with black masking tape, and there was a note in her basket. The note read (click pic to see):
“I was gonna take your bike. But Robin Hood only steal from da rich!”
Now where is this guy? Mate, you can have the Pink Princess. She’s easy, and lovable, and she needs a home. She's waiting for her prince on Bleecker St.
Scrabbling for Money
23 May 06 @ 07:13 PM
category » humour
Some people can’t help but gamble on anything. On Sunday, after the rain put paid to Joan and Peter’s plans for a birthday picnic in the park, we congregated instead in Brent and Joan’s apartment by the park. Of course, anytime I see Alissa we want to play Scrabble, so a few of us go off and hide
in a corner and pull out the board.
Within five minutes of starting, however, Nick and David notice and start joking about who they’d put bets on to win. Next thing we know, David is running a book and everyone is shouting and clamoring and making side bets, and the pot has reached $150. Nick and Shari hedge by betting on several players (very politically astute, to boot). With the pressure on, suddenly this game has taken on a whole new air. People are watching us, our supporters are treating us like prize fighters (the “stress relaxing” massage while I play is actually quite welcome), our opponent’s supporters are trying to distract us.
My god. It’s Scrabble, for pete’s sake! But it was very funny. And who won the pot? Nick, of course.
Post-Election Satire
01 Nov 04 @ 01:51 PM
category » humour
Museum of the Middle Class via The Onion. Funny, but so tragic.
The Choire Story
03 Sep 04 @ 05:03 AM
category » humour
Yankee Pot Roast = Excellent.
Lord of the Blogs = Priceless.
The Vice Guide to Everything
26 Aug 04 @ 11:34 AM
category » humour
Viceland's DOs and DON'Ts is a long haul, but it's got a few gems. Via Remy
The Man Who...
06 Jan 04 @ 01:43 PM
category » humour | new york
...fell Into the Swimming Pool at Soho House wrote an article about it. I guess he had to - everyone else had. I've just seen it on the eve of returning from Chile, so of course must post it here...
Celebdaq
15 Mar 03 @ 09:17 PM
category » humour
Apparently, the newest fanstasy stock market fad in the UK is Celebdaq. Run by the BBC, you start with a virtual $10,000 and trade in celebrity stocks. The more press inches and mentions he or she gets, the higher a celeb's stock goes. Affairs, scandals, fall-outs all boost the celeb's value. Apparently the celebs themselves form a large part of the trading punters - some even admit they buy and sell their own stock weekly, make up stories about themselves to raise their stock price and wouldn't hesitate to sell themselves short to get ahead. Sounds fairly realistic, then.
Hear Evil, See Evil, Speak Evil
26 Feb 03 @ 06:00 PM
category » humour
This, from the UK Guardian, is pretty funny.
The Saddam and George Show
Transparently Fashionable
26 Feb 03 @ 01:21 AM
category » culture | humour
A couple of days ago Helen sent me some hilarious photos of Japanese women wearing "transparent" skirts, showing their knickers. I've had problems with my site, so couldn't get the photos uploaded. But I sent it to Dave, and he kindly has posted one up on his site. Take a look. Quite amazing.
What struck me most was that the bums seemed to so perfectly fit the wearers...on further investigation, whilst the skirts are not actually transparent - rather, they are printed with an image of a ladies' backside - the images themselves are apparently, of the wearers' bodies themselves. Which begs the question - why not be really out there and wear a transparent skirt?
Reality Bites
31 Jul 02 @ 03:03 PM
category » humour
So I was browsing through Craigslist yesterday and came across a casting ad from ESPN. They are looking for people for a new reality show involving an adventure race across the States, with mental and physical challenges to face along the way. Sounds a bit like the Krypton Factor meets EcoChallenge America. Right up my street, except the reality show bit. Would love to be paid to do something like that - or even just not have to pay to do it - but am not sure about the whole laying yourself out for humiliation on tv thing...anyway, I shot them off an email just for a laugh because I was curious about what kind of people they wanted. Told them the basics. I got a call back within an hour from Craig, the casting agent. The following conversation ensued...
Him: Hello. Can I speak to Gaby please?
Me: Hello. This is Gaby.
Him: Hi there. I'm Craig, calling from ESPN.
Me: Oh, hi there. That was quick.
Him: Oh, you're English.
Me: Yes. And you are Australian, right? Or a Kiwi?
Him: Ozzie. Oh, can't do it. I'm sorry.
Me: I beg your pardon?
Him: Sorry, just can't do it.
Me: Er, do what, exactly? An English accent?
Him: No. Cast you.
Me: Ok...why not exactly?
Him: It's for Americans only.
Me: Ok, fine...so why are you calling me then?
Him: I didn't realise you were English.
Me: I take it you got my email?
Him: Yeah, I've got it here.
Me: What did I write, can you read it to me?
Him: "Female, 31, athletic, adventurous, English (got the accent!), SF based"
Me: So...why did you call me then?
Him: You sounded ideal.
Me: But I'm English...and you don't want foreigners.
Him: Yeah, I guess I missed that bit.
Me: Ok, sounds like this conversation is pointless. Thanks for calling, anyway. Good luck!
Him: Got any other friends who aren't English? If so, get them to drop me an email...
Me: Will do.
Him: Love the accent, by the way. Bye.
Good god. With people like Craig in charge of casting, god knows what will happen...
